Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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