So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
