big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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