That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
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We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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