i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
