I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
