tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
