Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
