farters have to be the big spoon...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
