First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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