i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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