I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
