i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
