sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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