Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He called his prostate his "boner button".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
