you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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