The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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