I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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