Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
