how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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