you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
