i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
