I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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