I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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