It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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