Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He shit in the fireplace
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
