Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
