i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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