I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
