Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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