HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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