YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
