I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
