that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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