those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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