My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
