I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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