Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
