she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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