Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
