Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
