nutella sex= disaster
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A+ Viking dick
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
