Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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