chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
P.S. I can't hear my feet
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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