i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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