Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
