It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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