is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You made out with two different species that night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
