I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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