omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
