apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
