there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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