Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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