apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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