K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
