something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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