I love black thongs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
