that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
