it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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