sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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