I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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