absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
